In the beginning, there was only darkness. In the confinements of space, a voice rose out:
“No groves!”
But there were, in fact, groves. The voice then boomed (but with some gentle, non-demanding aspect), “Somebody please turn on the lights.” So there shimmered a holy light and the world of Chew came to existence. With this light brought life to the world, and so the followers of Chew were made.
Mr. Chew, the God of this world, spoke directly to his followers after darkening and closing the projection scroll in front of the scripture board: “That’s the end of 16/5 everybody, be sure and study because we’ll be having test review tomorrow!” Yet few listened– they had already exited the world into the beyond. What was in the beyond was unknown for the most part, yet there was a specific area that Mr. Chew had loathed. It was known as The Groves, serving as an underworld for his advanced followers, yet setting a paradise facade for the delinquentes. In this area resides an unholy being known as the Groveman— a sickly creature made of leaves and the unfaithfulness of the delinquents. Most delinquent followers were bent on perturbing Chew by attempting to visit it, but Mr. Chew remained firm. After all, he would eventually forgive them anyway. Even the Groveman. That’s just how Mr. Chew is.
At this time, after the sacred bell’s ring, more followers entered to replace those who left. These followers have specific names because they are most important to Chew and can easily be dubbed his favorites. Well, some. Most are idiots beyond Chew’s healing. An unofficial disciple strides into the world, with rounded glasses and the haircut of a Jew. His name is Josep, and he is never content with Chew’s followers. Not to mention, Josep is a complete schmuck for disrupting the great Salt Lord’s review (Who is greatly mentioned later). The most she did is make him a disciple. Isn’t that good enough? What’s with him, nobody will ever know. Anywho, about the schmuck. He walks in and crows about a truce needed between him and this follower named Edgar. They are on opposing sides of Latin culture; with Edgar liking the Aztecs and Josep (Aka Joe) admiring the Spaniards, specifically Catalan. “I’ll write this up!” a voice yelps in the distance. This is the Salt Lord; an especially advanced follower, she serves as the scribe for Chewdism and documents all the happenings in this book. “I will write this document since SOMEBODY ruined the old one.” She snarled at Joe, since the dummy washed the old truce. She regrets recommending his position as disciple to Chew, but as the God, she has faith in him.
“Alright Salt Lord, you can write it up. Have Joe write down some of the basics of the truce then organize them nicely.” The Salt Lord immediately went to work, her loyal partner Dylan— whom she was courted to at the time—at her side. This process of law creation lasted five days. Establishing rules that quick only results in hellfire, which is exactly what followed. When the rules were written, a key member refused to cooperate. He would not sign the treaty as Sergio Mejía because he proclaimed the “Sergio Clause” was bogus. This clause implied nobody could refer to or imply that Joe is a “chode”. It is arguable that this is his true identity to this very day.
This sparked a dramatic outburst that ignited what is known as the “Staple Wars”. Many pictures were disseminated on the walls of the world by both forces, later ripped apart. The Salt Lord consumed a picture she ripped herself as punishment for the war Joe started. Chew revoked his position as disciple and cast him to Mr. Roach, the archangel of the world. Roach is the one who punishes the delinquentes.
Later that day, the follower Brandon claims to have resolved the conflict. The Salt Lord is pleased with this; therefore, laws created will still be under effect, only extended to a minute degree.
Mr Chew promised his disciples and followers a screening of a historical reenactment titled “Schindler’s List”. However, he did not promise he could hold his mouth. As a God, he shouldn’t have to. As he started the reenactment, he told the group about it. “This movie is one of the most accurate depictions of the Holocaust because Steven Spielberg, the director, actually consulted with Holocaust survivors in the camp shown in the movie. You’ll hear me saying ‘this actually happened’ a lot when you watch it,” he stated. Indeed, the followers had enough.
At one scene, an SS general was using Jews as slave labor to build a concentration camp. When a female worker was scolded by him for a problem in the work that was caused naturally, he started swearing a lot. Mr. Chew didn't try to shout over that, surprisingly. The Salt Lord, at this time, went to Archangel Roach and made a brief comparison of the general to Ex-Disciple Joe. He had venerated his arrogance into writing by boasting his victory on the front of her chapter packet–when he was directly instructed by the God not to– and she was extra salty about it. At least Roach gave her right to scribble on his next chapter packet in return.
What wasn’t surprising was Mr. Chew’s attempt to distract his followers when nudity appeared on the screen, despite its historical accuracy. One follower, Dominic, was highly interested in it.Thankfully he’s not too much of a lecher.
The next day was the day before Mr. Chew’s celebratory first day of existence. It’s like a birthday but for gods, since nobody knows if gods have birthdays. Vibrantly colored balloons decorated the walls of the world, and the followers were very festive. There was even a cake decorated in his favorite sports team, the (currently Oakland) Raiders! “Hey Mr. Chew! You gotta open your present!” Sergio piped up. “Oh no……” he picked up the bag, slightly worried as he picked up none other than a box for a hose. The boys erupted in laughter, declaring that Mr. Chew now has more… ‘hose’. Upon even further discovery, a raiders mat was packed in the box as well.
After opening the presents, cake was dispensed and the movie resumed. Unfortunately, Mr. Chew had required three pages of notes. Few wrote all three pages in the same day; however, the Salt Lord did it! She even included pictures mimicking the bloody massacre which was the Holocaust. She likes drawing the macabre things in life. It almost makes people wonder if she’s a serial killer. Only she knows that.
The movie lasted three extensive days. Many finished their notes within the last day, which Mr. Chew was thankful for. He had no need to punish any pupils as of yet. The day for punishment would come soon, as a certain unofficial holiday would be held almighty soon.
A certain time came whereas the delinquent group of followers had a hay day with pestering the God. Many students of senior membership had not attended the beyond in homage to an unofficial holiday. It was April 20th, a day dedicated to contrabands of the herbal sorts. Mr. Chew did not like this one bit. During lessons, he let some followers read outside. Much to the Salt Lord’s chagrin, the delinquentes all chose to read outside. Once they arrived, they used their cellular devices to contact the Cold One. He was known for drinking cold ones on his Snapchat application. Mr. Chew had to call him on their cellular device in hope that he wasn’t truly drinking cold ones. But there wasn’t a clear answer, so he could only assume.
After reading, Mr. Chew had his followers fill out the Arch Method paper on their Atomic Bomb Lesson papers. Edgar Perez, leader of the delinquentes, led his group into mayhem. They attempted to persuade Chew into believing the United States actually dropped a container which held Sergio’s “fiery mixtape”. This “mixtape” is what they theorize caused the impact on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Such wild ideas. They also issued “triggery” as a reason to bomb the towns. There isn’t anyone whose brain is big enough to completely fix theirs.
The next day, the senior members still ditched the beyond. It must have been a day to recover from hangovers. The delinquents were surprised when the projection scroll’s sound system failed. Many remarks of “Enola Gay” and “Enola Schlong” ensued; until the sound returned. Upon sound returning, After the projection scroll ceased to play, Mr. Chew led the class of followers into a discussion on Atomic Bombs. Surprisingly, Sergio led the discussion with great diction. Many others proved to stray from their idiotic ways. The Salt Lord chirped in, without much to say, but she was content. Nuclear bombs demonstrate power, which she admires. The Archangel Roach even participated; yet, he remained firm in his position as Groveman’s advocate. When did an angel side with a demon? Never, as it’s a fictional idiom.
Further on, German made a mistake: he used Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s presence in nuclear development as an example even though he died before the bombs were made. This created the Chode-off; which was a brief period of the exchange of insults in the lesser group.
A long pause occurred in the Time-Continuum due to an annual event called “Summer Vacation”. At this time, all of Chew’s disciples were free to enter the beyond void from punishment, and they enjoyed this greatly. At the end of Summer Vacation, Chew received new followers to enter the sacred room. He repeated the beginning rituals with every follower, new and old, including one called “Guess the Fib”. One follower had confessed to disowning his sister entirely. Chew was majorly disappointed: “Blood is thicker than water, Con-Daddy!” he tried to explain, “When I was angry with my brother, I’d just go to Mom, why can’t you just beat ‘em-”
The followers went into hysterics: the God has finally condoned violence in the classroom, despite violence never being the answer. He later explains that as much as he hates violence, he was only trying to think the way his followers do, and that he himself would never beat up his siblings in his youth. No follower listened. It is at this time the Salt Lord decided to scribe this brief, yet legendary moment, into the Chewda.
It is also worth mentioning that the son of the God has entered the grounds of the beyond and walks among Chew’s followers in the confinements of High School. Like the gentle lamb he is naive to his father’s holy powers and why so many flock to him; Mr. Chew plans on keeping his knowledge that limited. However, his mind has been tainted: a new year has started, and with that a new set of followers. This year, one man by the name of Big Richie is intent on taking Mr. Chew’s son to the groves, which has been a hot topic as of recent times. He also wants to explain the act of “hunching”, which Mr. Chew only insists should happen after college and marriage. Of course, a freshman should know what this implies.
The God’s son is very resistant. This year the god coaches him and others in a competitive game called Football, yet he never listens to his holy father (blasphemy at its worst).
In the second class of Chew, the God told many stories about an event called the Civil War. The disciples celebrated with him in their own unique way by declaring lots of hunching and grove trips. Obviously this upset the god, but the disciples didn’t care too much. They were more interested in the stories.
It was at this time Mr. Chew decided to tell a tale about the derogatory names of certain kinds of people in this story; the disciples hooked. At this time two words erupted from the world: Carpetbagging and scalawags. Of course, God Chew objected to this name calling, but nothing could be done. At this time, a strapping young jock strut into the room, blaring motivational profanities of all kinds. This enraged a delinquent by the name of Big Richie, the biggest idiot of them all. A mock fight almost took place, but Chew forbid that any of this happen. This would only begin a period of many mock fights, some of which the Salty Lord herself partook in (of course, she’s a skinny noodle with much more bark than bite). At the end of her brawl with a younger lad twice her weight, she was proud enough to have at least scratched his neck. Feisty devil.
After another pause in the world of Chew called Winter Break, Big Richie returned with many ridiculous photos of his ugly body in a bathtub with floating beer cans. Josep ended up leaving the school for a while due to “smallpox”. He’s an interesting shmuck, but he moved out of town. So sad. We’ll miss his tough love.
In the Salt Lord’s 2nd semester, she has grown incredibly lazy in updating the Chewda with current events. She currently sits among two of the worse delinquents within stabbing range. Of course she can’t do that- she’s considered a legal adult now- but she can still fantasize. She considered it greatly not too far back, as the mysterious “Nut Smash Mystery” rose and fell just as quickly in the world of Chew. When Con-Dad’s Nutter Butter cookies got destroyed, he blamed it on Francisco and claimed he “smashed his nuts just like his girl”. Mr. Chew was somewhat shocked by this claim, but reminded Francisco numerous times that he was not allowed to touch Con-Dad’s nuts. Out of context this sounds bad, and it is. Our gullible god just doesn’t get it.
The disciples of Chew set out to research books for a large presentation coming at the end of the year. After choosing their books, the delinquentes gathered at the end of the room and accused a female follower of being a thot. Of course she explains how they are all terrible fuqbois. Mr. Chew becomes slightly agitated, but expresses his concern in the most passive and peaceful way he can. During this the Salt Lord makes an astounding revelation: “They’re all man-thots…. Except Big Richie. Big Richie’s a hermaphro-thot.”
Big Richie is sent into a WTF outburst, and the Salt Lord becomes frankly amused. During his small tirade she sneaks over to his desk and subtly threatens to rip his wrestling league certificate. When he attempts to calm down, the accused follower brings up his rude attitude- sparking another thought in the Salt Lord: “Do you ever consider that Big Richie only gets what he puts in? AND HE CAN’T PUT IN ANYTHING.
This sparks a tidal wave of laughter in the class, as well as an even louder WTF from Big Richie. He then attempts to pull down his pants: “YOU SEE THIS? THIS IS RIPPED RICHIE! LOOK AT THIS!” However, Mr. Chew quickly rushed over to prevent him from doing so. It was no matter; the Salt Lord saw nothing anyway… and she was happy to express it. However, the boys only thought she was expressing his genitals were small. Nope, she reiterated: “I meant NONEXISTENT.” Cue more screams and whoops for the Salt Lord.
When the rumors came around the Salt Lord was smashing Big Richie, she calmly retorted with: “The only thing I smashed about him is his reputation...and even that was nonexistent.” So ended the Salt Lord’s day of savagery, with an extremely concerned Mr. Chew. After he calmed everyone down (Including himself, as primary Switzerland), she calmly set about documenting this event to the Chewda as well as reporting it to her tight-knit friend group.
During lunch, the God was still at unease. He was overly worried that some of his students were partaking in couple’s acts that should only be done “after college and marriage” in his words. And they might have been. Who knows? What can Mr. Chew do? A more popular disciple and known friend of the Salt Lord admitted to partaking in these acts a year back, but that’s all that’s known. It disturbed a lot of people- including the Salt Lord herself.
After a hard day’s work, Mr. Chew decided to share uncommon slang of the 1920’s for a laugh or two. The Salt Lord questioned his logic- remembering all too well how seriously the Carpetbagger scandals corrupted her- but she decided to stay silent in case she could pipe up a little trouble. Of course, she had fun with that.
After letting Big Richie learn words such as “zozzled”, “splifficated”, and “Bimbo”, he decided to to apply these newfound words into his pea-brained vocabulary. When Mr. Chew asked what his followers thought the term ‘I’d like to see a man about a dog’ meant, they grew silent. That is, until the Salt Lord herself chirped: “Anyone got a nice bitch up in here?” The class agreed this was an acceptable meaning, better than its denotative association with whiskey. Funny how people still think she’s normal, considering she’s still shrouded in depression and killer instincts.
During lunch time, the Salt Lord was feeling a tad too introverted for the real world, so she placed herself in Mr. Chew’s room tranquilly- until she noticed Big Richie in the room. According to the god, he was in need of a “fire extinguisher”- a chaperone to ensure no sexual deviations occur. Leave it to her to get riled. Mr. Chew deemed her the perfect fire extinguisher… until she suggested castration, to which he stated his age-old motto “Violence is never the answer!”. This isn’t violence, it’s only population control at its most efficient form. She never did become the fire extinguisher to Big Richie- instead, she accidentally sprained her ankle and was confined to her home dwelling. Upon hearing that no fire extinguisher had accompanied him, Mr. Chew was highly concerned, but still never reached a point of anger. That would come later, thanks to a new member of this story: King Caddywhompus.
Now King Caddywhompus has never made it into the Chewda until now; he is only here solely because he insisted on it. On the day of a large Map Test, it was revealed to many of Chew’s followers that this scripture is, in fact, available on the internet (now of course if you can see this, you know this. How else could you be reading this if you aren’t the Salt Lord herself). Big Richie and a few others got a hold of this website, and he got a bit angry at the truth. This is based off real events, anyway. King Caddywhompus is the same young lad who likes to antagonize the Salt Lord (resulting in her scratching his neck once), however, they’re slowly moving along. He even introduced a concept of a new group called The Titans, and it goes as follows:
The Titans are the lords of the kingdoms of desks in the realm of chew in the second realm of chew lies the most interesting, diverse, prominent and well known set of Titans.
Big Richie: The biggest of Titans, greatest of all grove warriors, second hand to the Grovemaster– heir to the grove kingdom. Despite his name Big Richie has an average size Richie, more on the small side of average-barely passing.
Motato: Lord of running and speed, fastest of all Titans with speed of a cheetah and strength of a jaguar. A strength to rival Big Richie and king CaddyWhompus. This noble Titan is good friends with big Richie one a knight of the groves the other warrior of chew a fairly unlikely pairing. Motato tries to bring Richie to the light to bask in the love and light of chew however, big Richie has lately tempted him in the groves.
The Salt Lord: Fairest of all Titans, sworn enemy to big Richie. Highest of all priests and lord of scripture. Has had many scuffles with big Richie and king CaddyWhompus in which victory against Big Richie yet loss in King Whompus.
King CaddyWhompus: Oddest of Titans, one looks at king CaddyWhompus and you would not expect a Titan. Not as tall as big Richie but close in power, he makes up for it in sheer weight of 250 pounds. With legs like tree trunks, he is an Avid football player and wrestler with unnatural athleticism. The king is also very protective of his little brother, a young Titian in another realm named Caidan, from the queen of the groves that searches the realms for people to hunch, the Grove Witch.
Papi and Con-Daddy: These two Titans are paired together, for they are also known as the Eiffel Tower Bros. In ‘Rona season these two hunt for unsuspecting women and suck them to the groves performing what is known as the tower- where the female is violently hunched from both sides while the two do a double high five thus creating an Eiffel Tower-esque shape.
Something for the Salt Lord to consider? Yes. Will she put it in at one point? Depends on how quickly she can get to the website manager. She’s currently come to fighting the accusations of communism in her agenda- mostly declared by Big Richie and King Caddywhompus. Many bizarre rumors have flown around the room, including Big Richie’s self declared incest spree during the Okie Era- consisting of rednecks and arm wrestling, whereas Angel Torres lost to a wise sage of Chewdism named Mr. Barber twice (even when cheating). After this historic defeat was recorded, Kind Caddywhompus successfully beat the sage in his own arm wrestling succession, to which he was then beat by Big Richie. Who wins in this vicious cycle of arm wrestling, nobody knows. (Definitely not the Salt Lord, she struggled on her own but put up a fair fight against her friend, a skinny wolf-like figure named Adrian).
As much as the Salt Lord detests documenting Big Richie’s involvement in the world of Chew, much ado about him has struck the world-primarily his relations with relatives. Around the time Mr. Chew was lecturing on the efforts of the Roosevelt family, he discreetly implied that Eleanor Roosevelt was 5th cousin to president Franklin Delano Roosevelt- even in marriage. To this, Big Richie greatly commends the act of “Cousin Loving”. The class erupts in cheer- incest is finally Wincest. The God immediately regrets his decision to teach this to his followers, but continues on regardless, unaware that more would explode upon the discovery of the many affairs between the two Roosevelts. Both FDR and Eleanor were known to have affairs with women, which gave cause to commend the specific act of “Lesbian Cousin-loving”. This also paved way to call the Salt Lord a “Lesbian Cousin-Loving Communist” (and they’re only 1/6th right about that entire statement:it’s all about hearts over parts here). Throughout his Incest phase, the God Mr. Chew has been as adamant as he can get (which is in a moreso persuasive than enforcing manner) about being gentle to Big Richie in the Chewda. Personally, the Salt Lord is as gentle as she can get: if he shows (actual respect to women someday, maybe she’ll cut him slack.
Not even in his time of mock vulnerability would the Salt Lord relent: around a time Papi and Con-Daddy were joking about having “Daddy issues” (Probably an excuse to have “Daddy” in Con-Daddy’s nickname), Big Richie throws himself into small hysterics, claiming to be “heartless”-just like the Kanye west song, which he claims “f*cks you up”. He then asks to everyone “Who dat guy in the Wizard of Oz with no heart?! Who is he?”- which the Salt Lord answers quietly, just observing how ridiculous he looks.
“Yeah, I’m THE TIN MAN,” Big Richie booms out.
“Explains why your brain is all rust…” The Salt Lord mutters, with no response from the class. Not all savagery needs to be recognized.
Just around a time when things seem to have calmed down, another incident occurs within an entirely different lesson: Adolf Hitler. This spurs the delinquentes into renaming the Salt Lord as a Nazi (as she struck a trade deal with King Caddywhompus, exchanging her test review for the retirement of the communist nicknames). Adolf Hitler, as the followers learned, had ated his half-niece for a long period of time. This sparks outrage and “Half-Niece Loving” all around the class, as well as an extended Google Image trip revolving around baby photos of famous dictators and their families. Although people claim that baby Hitler and his mom were both ugly, the God and the Salt Lord agree they were both pretty. (His mom and cousin got booty), so says King Caddywhompus.
It should also be known that the Salt Lord now runs a Question and Answer forum sponsored by the website of Chewdism. This came about after the Site founder discovered that people from Russia and China were visiting the website, and he updates the site to host individual pages of content for followers in the world of Chew to create, a system called Chewnet. Any complaints can also be sent to her forum, and in return senders will be roasted free of charge. She and her tight-knit group of friends (a self-proclaimed “mafia”) are free to get any questions asked their way, even on Twitter (If you can find the Salt Lord first). The mafia has already taken over the Salt Lord’s site with their profound ponderings, and although she retorts to them bitterly, deep down in the pits of her heart she loves them.
At this point, Big Richie has gone into maximum hysterics over the God’s report to the Football master, Coach Cowell. Mr. Chew sincerely states how Big Richie and King Caddywhompus are larger delinquentes, but Big Richie insists that Mr. Chew lie and say they are model followers. (Of course, the God can lie and not be punished. Does it even count as a sin for him? Even the Salt Lord wonders.) He claims Mr. Chew is a snitch who doesn’t want to be his friend, consistently guilt-tripping the God and sacrificing good time for notes. The Salt Lord, fresh with a piping cup of peppermint tea in her “I Lost My Ass in Vegas” mug, threatens to spill it on him- alas, she had to refrain because the tea was no longer hot enough to leave the damage she wished. After a small tug-of-war session over the bathroom pass, she resorts to carrying a textbook to fight anyone who dare mock her again. She was already livid enough that people mocked her angry snarl, well prepared to take a finger or two. She wasn’t willing to take the banana Big Richie just brought into the class, however: not only was he shooting people (himself included) with spiderwebs, he now had a banana to aim. This standoff of Book versus Banana lasted almost the entire class. Time was lost as always, what else is new.
One weekend the Salt Lord was in her own dwellings, when her canine companions started barking wildly at the door. There she found a kindly older woman advertising real estate, and although she wasn’t interested the Salt Lord maintained conversation with her nonetheless. After they parted, she glanced at the woman’s contact card… and then she saw it: this woman, who so claimed to be neighbors with her, was mother to none other than Big Richie (this realization was followed by maniacal laughing to mask over the regret of not reporting his behavior to the last person he’d want it spread to). Upon returning to the world of Chew, the Salt Lord mocked Richie’s lewd humor by claiming to have banged his mom. “She still said it was a better time than you,” was all she had to say to him: of course, she later thought to tell him that unlike the hookup with his father, the mock affair was consequence-free (implying he is the consequence), but that would be too much of a burn to deal out to the shmuck. King Caddywhompus hasn’t kept his word on retiring the communist nicknames, and her edgy canine confidant Adrian insists on joining the Chewda: all he ever did was nearly bite someone’s finger off for disrupting his sleep and lose a war of Gorillaz puns on the Salty Queen’s site- and insist they fight in real life too, which will come when she wants to take up his offer. She knows well enough her mafia is more than happy to assist in this battle.
The Salt Lord has been scheming for a while- after risking a lot to see her degenerate grunt (and barely pulling off three successful stunts in that fateful day), she was in the mood for a little fun. However, the followers of Chew (even the delinquentes) have been far too silent. After watching a documentary on Pearl Harbor, everyone has been extremely mellow. One Monday, she expected the world of Chew to return a little more rowdy than usual, preparing with a serving of Monster Ultra- an energy drink worth four servings of a regular Monster. This was to serve as her “Fight Juice”, and she was to drink it accordingly… But of course, she prepared too early for what could have been a dangerous situation if not a false alarm. This was a big shame for her (at least King Caddywhompus wasn’t here to see it). All she could do with this lost fight juice is blame it for sending her to the restroom, noting it on the pass.
On Tuesday, the God informed his followers there would be an inspector named Mrs. Carrillo, and he especially advised Big Richie to be on his best behavior. This freaked him out;thus, he assumed there was a lowly snitch advising Carrillo to inspect the world of Chew. The delinquentes all pestered God Chew, but he still wouldn’t give them the name, insisting the delinquentes’ motto “snitches get stitches” applies to him too (even though he’s a god, can he be injured? We’ll never know.). A large fit of screaming and defense of Big Richie ensued, King Caddywhompus making himself lawyer for a moment. Meanwhile, the Salt Lord decided not to instigate any fights, as she was in the presence of her own little party- Hanover the coyote skull. This talisman of hers was to be delivered to a seperate part of Chew’s world run by an artist named Mr. McMurdo, however, she couldn’t place him there without the sacred bell’s ring deeming her tardy to the world of Chew.
Now the Salt Lord has been incredibly lazy with updating the Chewda- but then again, not much has even occurred in the world thanks to her incredible stress outside of the world taking a toll on her (beyond poor) mental health. She briefly reminisces over the Zimmerman note supposedly written by Whitopians to Tuttle’s class in order to ambush the God and his followers (and how she slightly ripped Big Richie’s shirt trying to hold him back from attacking them), but she barely remembers enough to make a whole chapter. What she thinks is best is to focus on the day coming forth… 4/20, an annual event first documented in Chapter 3. Sadly, this will be the Salt Lord’s last 4/20 with the followers and delinquentes she’s come to know and love in her own petty way, as she prepares to travel into the Nirvana beyond the Chewdist world known as college. She’s currently thinking of passing her title down to a worthy follower capable of doing amazing things in the name of Chewdism, even though she holds her position dear to her heart. Somewhere in that icy soul, she has a love for almost every follower (some only have mere tolerance, but that’s just salt). It almost brings little tears to her eyes, but most people know she can’t feel too much pain lest she lose her bitter reputation. She’s almost like a BoJack Horseman or something: she probably has a heart of bronze at least, deep down.
The day of 4/20 came, and immediately the delinquentes were in a hoot. The God Chew had a cookie and drink brought to him from a hippie cult outside of the Chewdist realm known as the Yellow Deli, which the delinquentes loved heckling him about. He didn’t even know the Yellow Deli was a cult until they said so, insisting he was going to end up stoned on his way up to a place of the angels called Los Angeles. The Salt Lord took advantage of this day to make really bad puns (he hidden specialty) to rile up the little buggers- and this worked well. “Just go a-bong with it,” so she said- and with that started a revolution. But don’t worry, she stays far away from drugs…. She’s only blowing smoke in the God’s eyes. She also looked a lot of airplane art and there were a lot of ladies featured.